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I’ve been struggling with the same issues with my 7yo daughter. While I don’t have any cure-alls for you, I can suggest 2 books and 1 resource that have been helping me come to terms with and work with her intense personality and need for power.
– Raising Your Spirited Child, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka: I realized that my daughter not only has intense feelings, but also other typical characteristics of a “spirited” child (persistence, sensitivity, perception, etc.) This book has given me ways for working with spirit, instead of against it.
– How to Talk So Little Kids Will Listen, by Joanna Faber and Julie King: This is GOLD. Really well organized “toolbox” of techniques and words to use when dealing with the most common issues with our kids (2-7yo). It reads very smoothly and offers an easy-to-reference summary at the end of each chapter to help you in the day-to-day. One of the biggest takeaways for me has been learning to validate and sympathize with her feelings, even when I don’t understand them.
– Fresh Start Family Podcast and Blog (they also offer a Bonfire Membership and Foundations Course if you want to shell out $$): Wendy talks a lot about power struggles and gives great practical techniques for dealing with them and other issues.
**Just another thought with the breakfast issue. What if you worked with him to find quick breakfast ideas he can serve and/or make for himself while you’re reading a book to your 3yo? This could help empower him and make your mornings run more smoothly.Tete is now fully potty-trained, all day and all night, at 3.9 years-old. We are very grateful. My husband and I tag teamed. When we resumed potty training, my husband did the talking and I did the cleaning. This worked well for our family because my husband was calmer talking to Tete when he peed in his under ware. Tete was receptive and understood what he had to do. I wish you guys the best!
I just finished re-reading The Danish Way of Parenting by Jessica Joelle Alexander and Iben Sandahl. I read it initially when it was first published and my kids were one and three. Now they are five and seven and I feel like I needed the reminder. I love the chapter on the importance of play. I also love the focus on encouraging empathy when kids are upset with another friend. The chapter on connection and togetherness (hygge) was also really inspiring. It’s a pretty short, easy read. I highly recommend.
That sounds like my 5 year old boy. I’m trying to come to a place of acceptance that his personality is a little more intense, in that he likes things a certain way. If I can easily fix what he didn’t like, then we fix it together. But if not, I just explain to him why it turned out the way it did and sympathize with his feelings about that. We also just bought the Time-In Toolkit from the company Generation Mindful. It’s pricey, but so far it’s had a great effect. My son is naming his emotions more and having physical emotion cards and calming strategy cards to choose has given him an active way to work through his feelings. He loves to be doing something, so that has helped us. Good luck!
We made grilled veggie kabobs last night and the kids loved them! Used a mild balsamic marinade for about an hour beforehand.
Hi Jen,
I’m in the same boat, although not due to COVID-19. My son was born with a bleeding disorder and completely shattered my plans of continuing my career while my child was otherwise taken care of in daycare, school, etc. We aren’t yet to “homeschooling age” as he is only now three, but in those three years, I’ve fallen more in love with the notion that I’ll be primarily teaching him and being a stay-at-home-mom for the foreseeable future. It has taken a lot of identity/value searching, and I can honestly say I’m happier.
I stepped down from my position “at the office” and still work part-time. But I view this now more as a safety net, and not my driving force. I don’t have any experience in the self-employment arena, but I can empathize with the tugging to place your child’s safety ahead of something you’re passionate about.
Sincerely,
ShainaHello! I’ve mostly always been a northeasterner, but we’re currently living in the eastern panhandle of WV (a hour from DC and 2 hours from family in PA) where our two daughters were born. Technically I suppose we’re in the Mid-Atlantic. There’s actually a big homeschooling presence around here and though I never intended to homeschool formally, the pandemic has sparked my interest – at least in the other goose fashion. Girls are still preschool age so loving the loose structure and great activity ideas.
Hi, I’m wondering how to adapt some of the lessons to the fact that we still can’t go outside or engage with other people. Going to the river, or visiting friends and family to do craft and learn receipts. Thanks.
I’m in Lancaster, PA – recently moved back to the U.S. after four years in London! My son, Rowan, is 2 years old and my daugher, Iris, is 4 months. :)
We’ve really loved reading Danny Silk’s book, Loving Our Kids on Purpose. It’s encouraged us to get creative in the ways we shepherd and discipline our little ones :) it’s one of my new go-to gifts for new parents.
I let ours play with some toys (not Lego) outside which is so fun – they take the dolls out and make them a little cubby. We have a mini pop up tent, but even a chair and blanket would do for a house :)
I came on here looking for this exact advice! Just brought baby number 3 home, and with the pandemic, we are at home as a new family of 5 – without outside family help. My 3 year old is having the hardest time, and the 5 year old is totally fine… thank you for the sage advice!!
What tips do you have for toddler tantrums that you’re pretty sure are due to being out of sorts with new baby?
