Young kids and screen time, man. Day after day, we get the same questions surrounding the issue of technology use for kids: What do you recommend? Where’s the balance? When does it become too much? While we don’t believe in formulas, we do believe in formulating an intentional approach for your unique, individual circumstance and household. It’s worth a hard, honest conversation to determine the best course of action for your family unit as a whole.
Wherever you stand on the topic, my deepest hope is that today’s post might be helpful in reframing some of our anxieties surrounding young kids and technology.
But first, my own history with screens…
In the past, I’ve been firmly in the no-screen camp, mainly because it had just become such an “issue,” you know? It was a thing. Like, my kids wanted to know when it would be happening and for how long and which show and could they have another one, and honestly, I just found the whole conversation tiring so we just… stopped. Quit cold turkey. I found that as the kids grew older, I didn’t need to rely on the TV to get me through dinner prep during witching hour, and we would go weeks without turning it on at all. And it was fine.
But then, the pandemic hit and I found out I was pregnant. Suddenly, I couldn’t muster the energy for anything. We all go through seasons like that, don’t we? That’s the parenting road map — once you find something that works for your family, it changes! So, it became clear pretty quickly that I needed to reassess my relationship with screen time until this particular season passed.
Why not?
For me, the most compelling reason not to introduce screen time* on a daily basis is simply because of what activities we’d be replacing screen time for. So, one hour-long show might replace a walk to the park, or trying a new recipe, or a craft project – things I found more valuable for my kids and for our family. But, that reason just didn’t hold up when I didn’t have the energy for any of those things. I needed to find a way to integrate screen time while still upholding the values and goals for my family.
(*I should note that when I say screen time, I’m talking about the TV only. Our kids don’t yet independently use iPads, iPhones, computers, or the Internet. But I do think this approach could work well with whatever screens you’re using, whether educational iPad apps or FaceTiming friends or grandparents – whatever the medium.)
Enter, The Fred Rogers Approach
In my research on kids and technology use, I came across a book from 1983 called Mister Rogers Talks with Parents. Inside, Fred Rogers directly addresses the issue of kids and TV, and he hits on something really profound. He says that TV stimulates a child’s inner feelings, but then doesn’t teach the child how to deal with those feelings. So his solution is not necessarily to take away that stimulation, but to provide clear and consistent direction on what to do with it. His recommendation? Watch a show with your child and pause it periodically to ask questions, to point out clear value statements, or to talk through a character’s decision-making process throughout the program. He also adds that – for times you can’t watch the show with your kids – you can ask them to narrate the show’s plot and host a lively debate about the characters’ actions over dinner later.
I find a lot of comfort in this approach, because it feels both practical and doable for the seasons where we find ourselves in need of some wiggle room re: tech boundaries. And it’s completely adaptable! There are no hard and fast rules like 2 hours or less, or mornings only, or setting the kitchen clock timer. It’s truly as simple as being an active witness in the stimulation your child is receiving, and then helping them walk through and process the effects of that.
So what happened next?
Well, as in most things, Mister Rogers saved the day over here, and my first trimester was filled to the brim with all manner of cartoons. The kids and I chatted about J. Jonah Jameson’s rivalry with Spiderman, and we checked out Marvel books at the library to learn about each of their back story. The kids made Hulk gloves out of construction paper and fought in the backyard. We talked about whether or not we believed IronMan could actually fly through galaxies, and how Wolverine could bounce back even with all that adamantium. (And we all learned to spell adamantium!)
Slowly but surely, my energy returned as I entered my second trimester. But you know what? I loved how those cartoons challenged our dinnertime conversations. I loved watching the kids’ wheels turn as they debated who would win in the ultimate superhero match. And I loved watching their dramatic play come to life as they sought to save the world, one cape at a time.
Even though TV is no longer integrated into our home daily, we still enjoy Saturday morning cartoons (plus cereal, of course!) every now and then. Once a free Friday night rolls around, we all work hard to clean the house and finish our chores so we can start the next day by piling on the sofa in our pajamas watching old reruns together.
The Bottom Line
As in most things, TV is neither villain nor victim, friend nor foe. It’s what we do with it that counts. And as of today, in our own home? Thanks to Mister Rogers, it’s been a good neighbor indeed.
p.s. Want to pair your TV time with a few screen-free activities this weekend? Here are our top 5!