Hi Rachel:
You’re SO not alone! 3-4 is a MASSIVE shift in development, where children generally fall into 1 of 2 camps: I can do it by myself! or I can’t do this! Surprisingly, in both areas, they’re simply asserting independence!
A few things could potentially help, but like all things parenting-related, your daughter will be out of this stage before you know it. ;)
1 — Ask for her help often.
On totally unrelated subjects, ask her what she thinks about certain things, or if she can do certain tasks (that you know she’s fully able to do), because you really need her help. She might simply need evidence and proof that she’s far more reliable and skilled than she realizes!
2 — Break it up into steps.
“Show me the hard part” works really well for this, b/c it naturally pinpoints an actual hang-up. But sometimes there isn’t a hang-up, it’s just a classic case of overwhelm! By breaking it up into steps (assisting her w/ some of the project and letting her finish the final step) could build confidence as well.
3 — Catch her doing something hard.
Maybe she’s singing a song with a lot of verses she’s memorized, or is wrestling with a zipper jacket and prevails! Comment, “That sure looked hard, and you did it! That takes a lot of persistence!” or something of the manner. Our voices become our kids’ inner voices, so slowly but surely, she’ll grow to believe persistence is something that not only is she fully capable of, but that she possesses already.
Keep up the great work, Rachel!