You know what they say: the days are long, but the years are short. But the night? Well, it’s smack dab somewhere between. After wrapping three rounds of storytime and fielding another request for water, it’s easy to rush through bedtime so we can get back to whatever productivity, relaxation, or “Me” time we can muster up with the leftover hours of the day. But we also know the truth: bedtime is that syrupy, sweet time in which our kids’ hearts are cracked wide open. The mind calms and the pace slows, and we have the unique opportunity to connect in ways the busyness of the day doesn’t always offer.
In fact, in his book, Sleep: It Does a Family Good, Dr. Archibald Hart devotes an entire chapter to the importance of “pre-sleep pondering” as a time to build a deeper family connection. Dr. Erin Leyba agrees. “Bedtime is perfect for providing the quiet space needed for kids to use their voices, express themselves, talk about doubts or fears, tell you about silly things that happened or share their favorite parts of the day,” she notes.
And guess what? Not only does a consistent bedtime ritual help parents and children connect, but according to research, it can actually help children sleep better, longer, and more soundly. Who could argue with that?
Ready to make the most of bedtime? We’ve rounded up 4 simple nightly rituals to better connect with your kids – straight from our members’ homes to yours.
Try the 20-second hug.
Tonight, introduce your child to a new family tradition: The 20-Second Hug. (Yes, it’s precisely what it sounds like!) Together, count aloud for an extended hug each time you start/end the day.
Why it Matters: Believe it or not, researchers have found that 20 seconds of warm touch is all it takes to release the powerful, connective hormone oxytocin. In fact, 20-second hugs have been found to relieve stress and anxiety, and can even lower blood pressure! The next time you (or your child!) – are feeling overwhelmed, remember this: relief is just 20 seconds away.
Challenge: Take turns counting each number with your child for a perfect skip counting primer and/or to master evens and odds!
Related Reading (for Parents): The New Peoplemaking, by Virginia Satir
Reinvent the bedtime story.
Tonight, try a new bedtime story with your child as the main character! Begin with, “Once upon a time,” and then slowly narrate the day you spent together from morning until present time, e.g., “Once upon a time, your child woke up to the sun, called for his/her mother, and gave her a hug. Then, they ate banana pancakes and drummed on the counter with forks…”
Leave in as many happy details as you can, paying special attention to specific moments you remember your child practicing kindness, self-control, or any positive attributes your family culture appreciates.
Why it Matters: This simple narration conjures up your child‘s busy and full day, leaving him/her with a sense of completion and readiness for rest. Perhaps more importantly? You’re offering your child space for connection as he/she grows older and begins to fill in the blanks of his/her own story.
Challenge: Allow this sweet, undistracted moment to address any behaviors, emotions, or consequences your child experienced during the day, whether with you or apart from you. Feel free to ask your child, “What did I miss in tonight’s story?” and enjoy listening as he/she shares the day from his/her perspective.
Related Reading (Optional): Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, by Judith Viorst
Practice flower breathing.
After tucking in your child, introduce the concept of flower breathing. Here’s how it works: Hold up a finger and ask him/her to smell the pretend rose as he/she inhales slowly. Then, hold up a finger from the other hand and ask him/her to blow out the pretend dandelion as he/she exhales forcefully. Alternate rose, dandelion, rose, dandelion as his/her breathing slows to a regulated pattern and he/she begins to calm.
Why it Matters: Regulatory breathing has been proven to be a foundational, life-altering habit for people of any age. By introducing and solidifying this habit early on, you’re setting your child up for an emotionally healthy practice he/she can rely on now and in the years to come.
Related Reading (for Parents): Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids, by Dr. Laura Markham
Try bedtime math.
Calmly and quietly, count to 100 by 2’s while stretching together, tucking your child‘s blankets, or rubbing his/her back gently – whatever routine you normally rely on. Just add skip counting! Soon, his/her brain will begin working overnight, and the simple repetition of each number will peacefully send him/her off to the land of nod in a flash.
Why it Matters: Did you know our brains are more likely to form connections at night? Studies show that learning retention is highest if new information is memorized or repeated just before falling asleep. As you ready your child to catch some Zzzs, double up on this early primer in math.
Challenge: Try skip counting by 5’s to 500, or 10’s to 1000! your child will catch on and join you in no time.
Related Reading (Optional): One Thousand Sheep, by John Paul Turner III
p.s. Enjoy 5 more rituals for every other hour of the day with our all-new bonus pack here. Yep – it’s less than a buck!